Emotional Cane

It's been a while. Almost 2 years. Nothing much has changed except independence and the road that seems far away from home is actually becoming closer then we all realize. I recently had knee surgery which put me down for about a month. No work. No driving. No distractions. I called my grandfather about everyday. Essentially to talk about what he ate, answer his questions about when I'm done with school, and how I'm recovering. Tried to keep monitor or his well being and his senility. We shared similarities and connections for a brief period in time that will create a lasting lifelong memory. Well... As long as I'm able to hold onto it. Life. And. My memory. As I sat there telling him about my new pink cane and my mobility issues, he would interject randomly with: "I think about you all the time, I worry about you and often pray for you". When he says that my chest tightens. My throat gets a little lumpy, and my voice cracks. I realized... It's a feeling, an actual physical response to feeling an emotion. A mixed emotion that includes pain, sorrow, gratitude, fear and...love. All at once. Regardless of what age does to us...what it can steal from us... What it can give us...Your physical response is there. I grip my pink cane sometimes in a response to turning corners with fear, and lack of balance. Re-learning how to walk and finding your muscles are a struggle after surgery. I realized as I'm finding my will, my strength, and keeping my dignity...My grandfather is slowly loosing his, and it's not coming back. My grandfather facing dementia, slowly loosing memories, independence, and sadly some of his pride...Hasn't lost his heart. Age creates change and can act like a thief in the night. Sometimes criminal. But you can manage to keep your heart the same all the way through it. My grandfather taught me that. Life. It's precious.